Am I actually breaking news here? I have not seen Wrestlezone.com make note of it, neither has any of the five wrestling podcast that I listen to. The “Wrestling Observer Newsletter” (www.f4wonline.com) must really be the premier news website.
Maybe they could use a designer who is an expert in usability (please excuse the slight hiccup)?
The WWE Network is utilizing the TV-MA rating, thus, if you watch ECW Cyberslam 96, you can hear Brian Pillman call Eric Bischoff a “Fucking Piece of Shit!” And I had to pay 90.00 to get this memory while everyone else got it for free this month. Of course, they probably wouldn’t look for it. I know @rosenbergradio doesn’t consider ECW to be an important part of the Monday Night War since he doesn’t feel let down not hearing “Natural Born Killas” by Dr. Dre and Ice Cube during a New Jack match.
Truthfully, I had already paid $30.00, 14 years ago, to get this Easter egg on the Pioneer DVD release of “ECW Path of Destruction.” At least my subscription to the network means I no longer have to look up the button combination to get to the clip.
So hale to the IWC and Podcast world. If WWE doesn’t know what or how to advertise they’re future, nor should we.
Speaking of the Podcast world, the “Wrestling Compadre Slamcast” decided that the best way to have fun with Survivor Series week was by coming up with their fantasy Survivor Series teams. It’s a fun exercise, but it reminds me why I think the pinnacle of video gaming ended with the cartridge. The annual WWE releases weren’t a reminder that wrestling was better before the monopoly was established. Thus, players are led to be more concerned about combining the few stars they followed on the indies with their heroes from the first 16 Wrestlemanias. Or to just live through the great stories over again, only needing to get past the feel of dubbed films from Hong Kong.
People buy new Madden and FIFA games every year for the new teams, not the old products. WWE either needs to improve their current TV products or make things so wretched outside of the ring, we demand wrestling to forget about it. NFL football’s play is horrid, but as long as they’re playing, we forget about elevator videos. I can only hope that WWE doesn’t pay too much attention to this blog. It would feel better if they would pay me for my “Main Event of the Dead” zombie-wrestling comedy screenplay rather than receiving residuals when the Nikki Bella goes Knowles sister on John Cena video angle comes out.
Sorry for the lengthiness of my criticism of the WWE product line instead of just cutting to why the line ups the Compadres came up with can only work in the confines of the lesser video game systems. When is the Wii U going to get some love?
Their teams feature no context, since the squads are comprised of competitors from all 28 Survivor Series pay-per-views. Thus, they can’t really be fantasy booked. It is up to the best button smasher to determine how the three-way Survivor Series would work out.
So, I’m holding off my essay on how WWE could have done more to prevent the WCW World Heavyweight Championship reign of David Arquette. Instead, I’m going to provide a Fantasy Survivor Series centered around Hulk Hogan’s opus “No Holds Barred.”
1989 was kind of an end of an era. With the success of “Batman,” the days of uber-violent action films had ended. Action films had to be made to appeal to the widest audience. Tim Burton’s film also required that action films had to be good, if not awesome. Thus, after “Tango & Cash” the tacky action films (I should say, tacky action films that weren’t poor adaptation of fringe comic books) on the big screen had ended, until revived by video store loving auteurs like Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, and only after they proved their talent.
1989 was comprised of three memorable tacky-action films. Two of these movies are undisputed classics, “Road House” and “Tango & Cash.” The third film is “No Holds Barred.” Thus, my Survivor Series match will feature the heroes of these films.
Team Rip:
Rip
Dalton (Patrick Swayze)
Wade Garrett (Sam Elliot)
Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell)
Raymond Tango (Sylvester Stallone)
You can complain about the lack of wrestlers on this team, but all these stars had to deal with wrestlers in at least one of their classic films. If you remember “The Hulksters” versus “The Million Dollar Team” from 1989, I think actual wrestling accolades may be secondary to the extravaganza. Swayze and Elliot were facing off with Terry Funk in “Road House,” and Stallone dealt with Funk multiple times. Stallone may deserve to be in the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame since he brought the world’s attention to Hulk Hogan.
At best, I maybe only be able to bring in two heels from the Rowdy Harrington classic. Scratch that, three heels come from this film since no one has a problem with seeing Ben Gazzara die. Kurt Fuller’s accidental death in the finale of NHB left a bad taste in my mouth (as indicated in my first blog in my NHB series, now on Tublr’s Rip ‘Em System). Who didn’t have a grand laugh at the good old boys of Jasper getting away with executing Brad Wesley with shot guns?
Regardless of whether or not we replace Brell with Wesley, the heels still need two partners. And one of them has to protect Kurt Russell. So, the Team Zeus will feature two performers from past 80’s films of T&C stars.
Team Zeus:
Zeus
Morgan (Terry Funk)
Jimmy (thespian and friend of Chuck Norris, Marshall R. Teauge)
From “New York 1997” Slag (Ox Baker)
“The Ultimate Male"Thunderlips
Hulkster versus Hulkster: How’s that for fantasy booking? Throw in some run in from the "Neanderthal” Stan Hansen and Jake “The Unmasked Superstar” Bullett, imagine the PPV buys. Definitely worth $9.99. And from here, we can build to the No Holds Barred: The Match/The Movie. I’m thinking Daulton heel turn, or Rocky Balboa returns to ensure the “ideal” Hulk Hogan wins the day.
If you’re going to book, book backwards as Jim Ross says. I just hope our stars stay healthy so we can have them ready for the team of Oliver Platt, David Arquette, Goldberg, Sting, and Martin Landau at Wrestlemania.
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