Mark Dacascos the Booker: A Call for a Zombie-Themed Wrestling Podcast

I have recently thought about removing The Tennis Channel from my favorites list on my Comcast receiver. It is a sport I've never played with the exception of my first stint at Camp of Champs (an amateur wrestling/Christian camp ran by Olympic Champions Ben and John Peterson, if it is still in operations, send your kids there [tell the youngster to think of the religion as "philosophy"]), because our cabin needed someone to fake it. Fortunately, other sports weren't the proficiency of the campers, so we faked our way to third. If it wasn't for Nintendo, would I have a reason to respect the sport?

Why am I messing with the sport best known for douche bags (Agassi, McEnroe, Riggs, Waluigi)? Because they are preempting the sports talk TV shows that I listen to as podcasts at work. Does anyone have some cool, raw rock n' roll suggestions? If it is popular on any station that uses Rocks (as a verb) in its title, I won't give it my time.

Short on tunes and talking heads for my ear balls, I've been made to search for other podcast to listen to. So I got scared to find Nerdist has their guys for my field of expertise: wrestling wisdom. Then I listened to them.

If you aren't confident that the concept of "Main Event of the Dead," my B-movie script about lower level indie wrestlers versus in-politically correct gimmicked zombies, doesn't translate into its original intended format, it may as part of a podcast. Please leave me some feedback to tell me otherwise or how to tweak it.

My nerdy gimmick to podcast is to perform a table read of a non-wrestling scene from my screenplay, going for the Cut Scene feel from the NES "Ninja Gaiden" series, after the first promotional break. I guess I'd be trying to top Colt Cabana's "Song of the Week" and trying to encourage more of his "65-year old Jewish Mother Recites a Classic Wrestling Promo" segments.

It would also be a podcast that acknowledges WWE does not necessarily (a stretch to use a term that lacks confidence) have the best wrestling. It will work better than any of the podcasts dedicated to the wrestling business presented by marks.

I'm not saying that only wrestlers can have wrestling podcast. The two I've come across are amusing for the most part, at least they were before the Bella Bitches (I'm just using alliteration) are dominating the majority of WWE's programming. "Legends House 2" beware of twin black magic.

Cheap Heat - Cheap Promotion.

"Cheap Heat" has gone out of their way to trash wrestling fans for not approving the angle. They claim, and base it on Jim Ross's philosophy (the best podcaster in regards to the business), that it's a great personal issue so it will put asses every 18 inches. Poor acting without great wrestling won't sell a pay-per-view. Both hosts watch "Total Divas" and Peter Rosenberg's livelihood is based on ridiculous, mostly fictitious, and sadly ironic real-life drama, so maybe he no longer knows any better.

I'm lead to theorize that Vince McMahon may have made the network to eventually avoid the big budgets for pay-per-view sets since the subscribers get so much content for...okay, because you need the WWE Network to be a happy wrestling fan...$9.99, they can't bitch about the Raw/Smackdown set being used an extra day a month? Also, it allows him to get away with his overly scripted product because fans of bad television will certainly like forced acting. The advertising revenue will be greater, just look at TNA Impact.

If you look at the ratings of pro wrestling, when compared to the Monday Night Wars (if you call it the "Attitude Era," that means you didn't watch the promotions not ran by McMahon [and you may have a future as a booker in Central Illinois]), it's evident that only true professional wrestling fans are watching wrestling. True fans or worse, only fans who Mark Madden suggests dedicated themselves solely to the product from the town of Jerry Springer's studio. The PG-Era has not increased the number, so this product isn't working to draw new fans, so let's not insult the majority of your audience.

And let's not insult your listeners so that the McMahons will respect you enough to let you be part of the company in an on air capacity. You're not a wrestler Heel Rosenberg. You're definitely not Bobby Heenan. Thus, we cannot get the satisfaction of seeing you get your ass kicked and/or stuffed into a animal costume and thrown into a Furious Furry Fuck Fest.

The WWE's chauvinistic agenda as channeled through Micheal Cole resulted me in not watching televised wrestling the from the conception of the NXT TV show (not the Network exclusive that has all its events available on Hulu) to the Pipe Bomb. And I'm thankful because it spared me Cole's Wrestlemania Moment.

Wrestling Compadres Slamcast - Nerdist Needs No Soundboard.

I thought I had to surrender my latest concept for promoting "Main Event of the Dead" when I discovered that The Nerdist Network has a wrestling podcast. After two episodes, I've determined that they may be able to support a second.

It isn't a bad podcast, but it feels like a morning radio show. Can wrestling fans stomach five days of wrestling? I suppose since Howard Stern has a station, fans cannot get enough of their bullshit. So, does anyone need "Java with Jedi" to get you AM ratings? If I can't direct, maybe I can host.

The "Wrestling Compadres Slamcast" is fun. They're interviews are entertaining, but not really enlightening which I think every nerd wants when they listen to a show dedicated to their fix. Their main device for amusement is to overplay the "best" soundbite. So if I didn't get enough Bella bull-bowel release, I get the clip I switched the channel from over 10 times. This week: "I wish you would have died with the womb," Nikki Bella.

Thanks for making us fear Chris Hardwick. What if he get the voice box that Duke Phillips tried to make Jay Sherman use to boost ratings. Would Matt Weiner appreciate any dialogue from "Madmen" or "The Sopranos" being repeated throughout his 90-minute interview? To Weiner's credit, his scripts are not ridiculous enough to supply such a soundbite.

This reminds me of the "Cheap Heat" issue they had discussed after their discussion about the authentic Bret Hart shades from Montreal 97 and why there should be no criticism of the diva disaster. They did discuss why the heel authority still do the corporate charity events. Since the First Family of Fake Fighting (it is a real sport, but the premise clears me using THE F WORD) participates, none of the evil shit that is spoken has any value. But at least Stephanie McMahon was raised to be involved in the business. Even if it is unbelievable, she has had practice to make you still want to hate her instead of wondering if "The Daily Show" could start a few minutes early.

The Bellas are models turned wrestlers. Models who like, the stereotype, were never intended to promote any thoughts. They were cursed because of the twin angle. That makes me think, did the Harris Brothers ever have a successful feud? Any attempt to make twins individuals will fail because the differences are forced. The twins cannot work as individuals because they were never meant to be individuals. And, until they needed drama on a TV show, they never got the chance to be nothing more than eye-candy. Sanitized eye-candy.

Diva's who cannot wrestle (or exploit their "natural" strengths) are the equivalent to fast food in commercials. They look great. Foodies may say they look beautiful. But there is a reason why Taste scores more points than Plate Setting and Originality on "Iron Chef." It's better to have a 15 point tasty, original meal than a 10 point original and pretty plate.

But you can't sell taste, so podcasters do not.

I'd like to give it a try. It's my nature. Everything I try, no one believe I can pull it off. Thus, my mental issues. Is it me for not being realistic, or it no one believes I can succeed unless they want me to.