Can there ever be too much irony? I’m leaning towards yes as the answer. Alanis Morissette made sure she didn’t feature much of it in her hit single and M. Night Shyamalan hasn’t been able to sell us on any of his twists since “The Village.” Perhaps he exchanged his sixth sense for the topic when he cast Bryce Dallas Howard in his films. Their first collaboration was a lot like “10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife,” and Howard coincidentally looks like her Dad.
The latter part of that assessment may seem a bit harsh. I should have used reminds me of Richie Cunningham. You can blame the movie poster of
“Lady in the Water” for the association. You are going to need to visit the IMDB page because I don’t want the poster to be the random image that gets posted on Facebook when I send out my advertising tweets (from
@MainEventZombie) for this blog. When you look at it and see the Howard name, tell me you don’t see Opie Taylor? Then you see Paul Giammati’s billing, you can’t help but add his hairline to her ginger face. The answer to the equation is Ron Howard.
Revisiting this thought process to justify waiting for the “Happening” to reacquaint myself with M. Night’s work (I’m kidding, I haven’t gotten caught up) has made me forever grateful that I have yet to see any of the ginger girls that I’ve screwed around with in a ball cap. Girls must know that. You do not see any celebs of the female gender, pale complexion and hair that nature gave up on bleaching 10 minutes into the process sporting the look. Well, I imagine Lindsay Lohan has, and she probably showed that Ron Howard isn’t the worst case scenario.
In the end (I need to get back to the ironic theme), at least I’m not reminded of Clint Howard when I think about actresses with traditional a traditional “Annie”-base. Then again, wouldn’t Clint be more suited to play the role of a lead scientist in a played out dinosaur movie franchise? His age may make him more authoritative. WWE needs a likable authority figure. And I needed a title that draws greater interest than “John Cena has one too many syllables to be Rip.”
John Cena is evidence that there may too much irony in wrestling today. I actually think it was Mick Foley who said on the
“Cheap Heat” podcast (it better be that or I’ll lose the love of the
“Wrestling Compadres”, either way, it was said on a podcast this week), that fans love paradoxes. Try to sell me the differences between John Cena and Rip Thomas:
- They are both “more concerned” about their charity work.
- They both have a family member to serve as a martyr (Cena’s dad, and Rip’s brother Randy).
- The only time you can truly cheer for either one of them is when they are facing someone who cannot speak the common tongue, so we hate the mouthpiece more than the muscle (Rip had Brell/Zeus; John Cena had(has) Estrada/Umaga, Davari/Khali).
I’d like to say WWE is taking my advise to follow what is written in “No Holds Barred” for their own product, but they may had just beat me to it, making Cena’s Wrestlemania’s opponent (Alexander, I’m sure papa Dusty appreciates the first names he bestows) Rusev, a man who needs Lana to do his talking. My fear with the plan is that we simply won’t hate Lana.
How can you hate the hottest woman in the promotion with a perfect Russian accent? If Rusev had the charisma of “Men of War” star, Dolph Lundgren, would we want to see them dethroned? Eat your heart out of Brigitte Nielsen.
Talking about guys we don’t want to see dethroned, does anyone want to see Cena go over the best manager of the last 20 years and the most awesome force not named Alistair Overeem?
My last blog was about the concept that CM Punk could bring any network to the top of the wrestling business. And the views were down. It’s because I failed to realize that the issue is not a lack of competition (at least for the sake of this blog’s NHB theme). It’s because the WWE has ironically become “No Holds Barred.”
Vince McMahon knows that. Why did his projected next superstar have a one-syllable last name? It’s because McMahon will remove his first name. “Reigns Sucks” doesn’t have the same rhythm as “Cena Sucks” (or X-Pac Sucks). People eventually started chanting Hogan sucks, but that was cued up. Kids called him Hulk, which is cooler than John.
It makes one think. Was “The Next Generation” better than “No Holds Barred?” The sad thing is that most people favor the latter. NHB at least got a DVD and Blu-ray release. We’re still waiting for “The Next Generation Era: Volume 1.”
I forgot that “No Holds Barred” ended with Rip being the only game in town. John Cena is Rip Thomas, so Vince McMahon has succeeded in bringing his “Mein Kampf” to fruition. McMahon killed his competition. He no longer has a struggle. Or at least he doesn’t want a new one.
The new one should be a sequel to “No Holds Barred.” Let’s theme it around net neutrality. I don’t know his take on it, but with his motivation, Vince McMahon maybe able to determine the future of the issue.
