It’s tough to be humorous at the end of the year. I suppose we’ve burned through all the humor by the twelve-month point. Hence, at a milestone like that, we find it best to just put out our year in review. Thus, the initial thought for this blog was to write “10 Things from 2014 that were worse than ‘No Holds Barred,’” but it wouldn’t be a compare and contrast. It would just be me bitching about:
- The idiocy of having a feud between two people with the exact same of DNA (I bet one has highlighted hair so the E! News talking heads could tell them apart).
- The “Ryback Isn’t that Dangerous” PR tour (and Chris Jericho’s hypocrisy).
- How come an injured champion was stripped of their title for failing to defend it in two months while a healthy one doesn’t have to defend theirs for four (I already have the kayfabe answer, but that’s like stating why there were obviously black stormtroopers)?
Aside from one liners, there wouldn’t be much creativity. And my voice maybe a little too flat for sound bytes with punctual impact.
Then fear sets in because, from my experience, the start of the year is also tough humor wise. We all sit back and remind ourselves of where we fell short, remember the dead comedians from the prior year, and wonder how we can laugh it off. Last year, I tried with satire and comparing my existence to “Schrodinger’s Cat,” but dark humor doesn’t seem to work when everyone is in a dark place. Oh the number of friends and family I had to block on Facebook and Twitter for failing to understand my plight or at least chuckle at it. If people didn’t understand or smirk, were the blogs alive or dead?
Trying to relate “No Holds Barred” to the indie show I saw last weekend, “AAW Presents: One Twisted Christmas” seemed like a daunting task. All that immediately had come to mind was comparing the promos of the legitimately injured to the crippling of Randy, and that’s distasteful. That, and this show was awesome. Mismanaged in terms of time and booking placement, but much better than the well structured Mr. Hogan’s Opus.
I’d still like to review the event in this blog, so when you get to the italic font, you’ll know the satirical stuff has ended and the indie wrestling insight begins.
Fortunately, I remembered that I had just finally gotten around to watching “Jackie Brown,” starring Tiny “Zeus” Lister, instead of drinking in downtown P-Town, fearing the concept of making conversation with old high school relations I never had anything in common with.
Sorry Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, but only Peoria, Illinois, can claim to be the one and only P-Town. It was Kurt Angle who noted on the April 23, 2002 taping of “Smackdown” that the city’s name sounds like a urinary (a pee) infection. Since a Yinzer made the argument, my hometown claim shant be disputed.
Why Haven’t We Gotten the Next Tiny Lister?
I know, there will be a lot of people who probably say the first time they remember seeing Lister as a pivotal character was in “Friday” portraying the antagonist, Deebo. And I’m certain they’re lying. Lister had many supporting roles, but did he ever get a poster until NHB? You couldn’t ignore the coverage wrestling (cable’s powerhouse programming until people started paying $16.95 for HBO) gave him. He may have never been on “Saturday Night Live,” but he was on “Saturday’s Nights Main Event.” Good or bad, NHB did a lot for his career in entertainment. This man is the absolute go to when a director needs an intimidating black heavy or planetary president (regardless of color), all because he was in a WWE Films’ release.
Why hasn’t another star been born from this movie company? It’s because these films only focus on improving the stock of WWE’s established superstars. Granted, that’s a better strategy than the one used by “Body Slam” and “Ready to Rumble,” but we already know what we like to see these performers in. This may have been the downfall of “No Holds Barred,” and keep in mind, Dwayne Johnson's Hollywood journey started with a supporting role in an established movie franchise. For a WWE film, starring a WWE talent, to possibly be good, we cannot think of the star as a wrestler. But this doesn’t mean a star can’t be born from a bad film. Zeus is the evidence of that.
Yes, I used Zeus without quotes instead of Lister. This is because the movie didn’t put him over as an actor. It could be said that he was already an established thespian, but NHB made him an instant wrestling sensation. The time on top didn’t go beyond a year, but he did it with perhaps never taking an actual flat-back. I’m glad neither the DVD or Blu-ray release has any type of alternate commentary. I won’t have to research the bump-taking history of Zeus, at least not by watching the film again.
Is “Sami Zayn: The Movie” going to immediately sell him to the 3.5 million people who seem to resist buying the WWE Network (why else would they only advertise on two TV shows?)? The answer is no. I think “El Generico’s Main Event of the Dead might do it (there are still some rewrites to make, so I’m open to an overhaul if needed [Please send promotion suggestions to russthebus07@gmail.com]), but that’s neither here nor there. If Zayn was leading a group of survivors against Jacob Goodnight in "See No Evil 3,” he may become a hit in the ring and the DVD shelves. I don’t have Photoshop at my weekend job, so I can’t come up with a “A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors” knock off poster.
So my question is, why isn’t Alexander Rusev and Lana the villains in “Marine 4: Moving Target?” Maybe it’s because we’d be rooting for them instead of The Miz (they should have cast Mizdow). I’d suggest Antonio Cesaro as the villain, but if Damien Sandow is the protagonist, the audience would be at a stalemate.
What WWE Films needs to do is place stars against stars to get the most out of what they’re doing. If Robert Patrick wasn’t the fucking Terminator, he could have used a heavy like Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy. Now that Aidan Gillen has established himself as Littlefinger, we should expect him to have fellow Irishmen and star of “The Escapist,”, Sheamus, to stand between him and Cena. Or WWE Films could have just cast Edge in either antagonist role, but I like there to be a Brell/Zeus dynamic.
You are making films for wrestling fans. Why limit them to one wrestler per flick? Imagine “The Condemned” with eight WWE stars and Vinnie Jones. Would that have meant you’d have to actually take CM Punk off the road? Like Randy Orton could carry a flick (let alone a match) on his own.
With that said, I should have made this a video blog and figured out a way to take a face bump to close it. I could see about having my cat or two-year old nephew tripping me. Just so I could be featured on an “Out of Nowhere” vine for the last comment.
All American Wrestling: One Twisted Christmas (Berwyn, IL, 12/27/14)
Note to the Wrestling Compadres, maybe you should put the Booker T call on at the end of the podcast. The calls are amusing, but I listen for wrestling on the grander stages, not for talk about a promotion in Houston. People who visit my page are there for my current efforts to draw attention to the concept of a pro-wrestling zombie comedy screenplay, “Main Event of the Dead (treatments available upon request, e-mail russthebus07@gmail.com),” through reminding them the importance of the what was the best know pro-wrestling film for nearly 20 years (where’s “Ready to Rumble’s” Blu-ray?). When #RAW and #Dookie are used, they aren’t coming for a critique of a Chicago wrestling promotion.
This may mean I just need a Roku box because I think that’s the way the territories may be revived. AAW has a show on MaddyGTV via that streaming service, I imagine more promotions will follow suit. I’ve only one HD TV, and all my inputs are spent. Why isn’t wrestling showing love to Chromecast…and Wii U?
Since I don’t have a Roku box, I don’t know how AAW episodes are aired. They maybe shown on YouTube, so I might not have an excuse to for my ignorance (or to not be caught up on Reality of Wrestling), but there’s a good chance that some of these matches will be aired.
Like the time limit draw between Matt Cage and Louis Lyndon. These two are likely the future of the promotion with the ankle injury to Shane Hollister and that Eddie Kingston primarily works in the Northeast. The two wrestled a match that became cliche. It was the classic working too hard to protect each other’s reputation, so after a series of high spots near the time limit, they just went to the mat in a weak display of rapid punching.
So the “Main Event of the Dead” match of the weak is Rick Rude versus Jake Roberts from “Wrestlemania IV.” It ends with Rude getting a cheap take down and cover with feet in the ropes. Rude looks smart and Roberts looks strong as the 15 minute time limit expires.
A time limit draw in a pick 'em match cannot be on early in the card. We know each has too much to lose in a fall. If you’re going to a draw, you can’t do it with a spot where you look alike. If not the Rude/Roberts spot, then switch finishing move near misses. The moment they started punching like Brit aristocrats, I knew the bell was going to ring.
After this match, we found that Hideo Itami (for an authentic feel, maybe ring announcers should announce him as Itami Hideo…watch some Lenni Hardt tapes) cannot reclaim the “Go To Sleep” as Colt Cabana has added it to his repertoire. He also did it from the opposite side to accommodate the hated handicapped Gregory Iron. If there is anything to complain about was the limited abilities of their costars. Dick Justice is fun, but he’s just goofy that gets over. Same for the former Moondog Bernard (and since he was on the main card, and I know I can out perform him, a Scoop Stevens comeback has moved up a few seats in the back of my brain). It doesn’t really impact the match, and aside from the cost for Cabana, you probably need inexpensive talent that gets over. Especially since it isn’t hard to replace.
As the night went on, so did “NEW DAY!” chants for the black wrestlers on the card. ACH did a great job just going with it in his match with Christian Faith. Faith (coincidentally) just doesn’t work for me. He moves a little slow before using his exceptional athletic ability to get himself over as a Kane knock off.
If I recall correctly, that match followed Uhaa Nation versus Dave Richards. This was a great strong-style match, and I think the crowd forgave Richards for mispronouncing Illinois (the S is silent, but it isn’t exactly pronounced how the French intended us to). The match should have main evented, but neither of these two are definitely AAW guys, and if I heard correctly, Davey needed to get to work in St. Louis at 6 a.m. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the number two wrestling promotion and how they look after the guys who got praise for stepping up where Edge and Christian couldn’t last year.
Heidi Lovelace impresses again (and sells well enough to face John Cena in Santa Clara…if she wasn’t heading to Japan). Along side Matt Cage and Shane Hollister, Lovelace might have had the best cruiserweight performance of AAW performers. Yes, she was facing Chris Sabin, but the two knew how to tell the right story.
I know it’s not a popular stance, but the future of women’s wrestling maybe intergender competition. It’s the only way to let them get over as talent instead of eye-candy, unless it’s a women’s promotion, and again, the emphasis has to be on wrestling over eye-candy. You could say too much of this kind of match will water it down. I respond with nothing can water down great story telling.
One Twisted Chrismas was awesome because it had two main event quality matches, a great X-Mas theme fans bring the weapons match (if only they played “Christmas in Hollis” over it for more of a New Jack feel), and a solid undercard. Solid undercard matches throughout, including the main event, Eddie Kingston and Jimmy Jacobs versus Ethan Page and Josh Alexander.
It may have been the main event the fans wanted. The show was running long, so the chants were probably being thrown out by the crowd so that they would know they were still awake. Unfortunately the “NEW DAY!” chants continued, and the black talent wasn’t in the main event. Carrying over into the main event may mean that this chant may get over as the new yes, so perhaps Kofi Kingston will finally get his world title.
Kayfabe is dead on the indies, so I don’t feel bad about my TNA commentary. The problem is the chants denounce kayfabe as well. Since Jacobs was recently a Rosebud, the crowd took a break from “NEW DAY!” to do the Adam Roses “da da da da da…da da da da.” And like a true professional, Jacobs played to them. This didn’t take away from a headlining match that was suppose to build heat for Kingston’s next title defense against Alexander. It was the pre-planned comedy spot.
This spot played to the promo that led to the tag match. To challenge Kingston, Page and Alexander awaken Jacobs from a nap to find the champ. A confrontation ensued, Kingston joined the fray and the spirit of Teddy Long ruled the day.
In the first five minutes of the match, Page puts Jacobs down with a sleeper, but does not have the referee check Jacobs consciousness. Instead, Jacobs curls up in the center of the ring, Page lays with him until it disturbs him. To comfort his opponent, Page grabs Jacobs coat to serve as a blanket. As he adjust the sheets, a cranky Zombie Princess awakens. Then the Rosebud chants followed. And the main event feel was lost for me, no matter how snug (irony) the rest of the match looked.
I suppose that’s what happens when your main event isn’t an announced match. The upside, we know whats at stake January 23 and what to look forward to. If the undercard stays solid, and we don’t have another time limit draw, thinks should be better. Everything is culminating for the bigger venue, Bourbon Street in Marionette Park, IL.
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