The original title of this blog was suppose to be “Why Mr. America Should Have Starred in No Holds Barred.” It wasn’t my wittiest blog title, but it allowed me to jump right into the subject matter instead of transitioning from a rant about how the readers need to demand local promotions (from Minneapolis/St. Paul to Paducah, from St. Louis (Illinois Side to Cleveland) to start booking me because that’s the only thing which will motivate me to hit the gym and get into better shape.
I’ve never liked salad, and I’m not going to start. There have to be better vegetable options that aren’t starchy. If it can be freeze-dried, it isn’t that good for you. Perhaps I am too self conscious. No one should judge me for throwing a tray of Annie Chun Seafood Snacks over half my plate to balance it. After 12-years around the wrestling business, I’ve observed initials are never bad, thus MSG has to be good.
Sorry for the minimal rant, but it could have been a lot worse, like three story-line terminations bad. Eric Rowan isn’t established enough to be taken off TV and now Ryback’s push won’t end with him doing the favor for Alexander Rusev.
With an inability to know who to protect and who to direct towards Japan to understand true strong-style, it’s no wonder that they cannot build there next superstar. Maybe it’s because they’re out to create the next super hero for the kids. Why else would they keep Roman Reigns in a SWAT team outfit instead of wrestling gear? If John Cena cannot be sold to the yuppie guppies in tights, why make their other guys wear them? And why must WWE make it apparent that Dean Ambrose has peaked? Did Vince McMahon want to tease the IWC by not letting him return to Lycra?
If Daniel Bryan wasn’t childlike compared to the present and future franchises, would the under TV-14 have gotten behind the “Yes” movement? Of course, I maybe discounting the beard.
And “No Holds Barred” could have gotten the PG if you had a masked crusader who wasn’t as brooding as Michael Keaton was in 1989. You might still need to cut the attempted rape scene, or not, because limiting them to attempted rapes are what super heroes do. And I’d suggest cutting the visual of dookie from the limo driver. Then again, CM Punk craps himself on Smackdown, and the show still got the TV-PG.
You can argue that Marvel would have brought up a lawsuit then, but I thing they would have appreciated “No Holds Barred” taking the attention away from their wretched, soon to be released, “Captain America” film. Hell, they would have probably wrote him in as a heavy for Red Skull for the first Chris Evans flick..
“Captain America 90:” a film which I need to watch because the disdain cannot be as great as legend claims. “Cyborg” wasn’t as bad as everyone claimed and every wrestling fan (with Netflix streaming) should see “Heatseeker” from the same director, Albert Pyun. I call dibs on penning the remake of that classic, provided the success of my pro-wrestling zom-com, “Main Event of the Dead” (e-mail russthebus07@gmail.com for ideas on how to promote the project or for screenplay treatments [so you’ll know what you’ll be promoting]).
A problem with “No Holds Barred” is that Hulk Hogan is playing Hulk Hogan. There is no disconnect between him and his character. If anything, the Uber-Brother has been neutered. Which may explain why Joan Severance couldn’t seduce him in the script. If Hogan had played a super hero, it would allow his in ring character to have range that Rip did not. I’m not up for an argument about Hogan’s range as a performer, so “Main Event of the Dead” inquiries only when it comes to the above e-mail.
What can be argued is that the two biggest wrestling draws not named Steve Austin (or The Rock, but I consider him more of an entertainment [not sports] entity), Cena and Hogan, are super heroes. Cena is disadvantaged because of memegene.net, but the Carlito angle and not becoming evil in his recent “Night of Champions” bout doesn’t help his claims of mortality. Regardless, if these heroes are on top, why haven’t the WWE tried one that would have a lot more merch to sell.
The worst thing that happened to The Hurricane was that he beat The Rock on his first try. That may have just been poor timing. If Rey Mysterio was 6 feet tall (and healthy…and white), who would he need to put over? If only the Kane character wasn’t a demon.
Two of the three best known Japanese wrestler who came after Antonio Inoki and Giant Baba made it there with hoods, Jushin Liger and Tiger Mask. The third was The Great Muta, but paint is almost the same as a mask (at least on “WCW vs. nWo World Tour”). I suppose I can wiki Liger to find out the history behind the gimmick, but I don’t have to do that with Tiger Mask. TM was a super hero cartoon.
I’m certain two of the three worked on top in Japan (no question about Muta) because of the masked hero gimmick. They are totally unrelatable as people, but most heroes are. New York City didn’t care about who was under Spidey’s mask (they should since he didn’t do the favor for Bonesaw…three minutes then go home). This may be why there were haters for “Man of Steel.” Zack Snyder’s “Watchmen” dealt with characters after their fall from grace, so no hatred should be directed to that film (especially when “Dawn of the Dead” and “Sucker Punch” are far more deserving of such).
A super hero may not have the length on top as a super star (thanks Ultimate Warrior, I wonder how much “The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior” is going for on eBay…$20 used). But, like Tiger Mask and his rival Black Tiger, the gimmicks will outlive the perceived usefulness of WWE midcarders.
If Mr. America was passed on to Jack Swagger, we could at least could justify why he is employed. Imagine the controversy if it got passed on to R-Truth.
I guess if the WWE is afraid to try new things on TV, why not use their films (NXT seems to be fine)? At least that way, if the Network doesn’t pick up, they can at least have a character library to sell to Disney. They could use wrestling at MGM Studios again.
I know everyone who reads this now wants to see Drax versus Fett versus Ambrose with Jack Sparrow as the referee. This bout also features the ideal role for Roman Reigns. Just don’t trip and lose your helmet. Ole Anderson can provide the voice.
We’ll try to get Johnny Depp to reprise his iconic Keith Richards’s impersonation, but if that doesn’t work, keep Adam Rose under contract.
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