Hashtag IWA-MeToo: 1st Match

Sometimes I feel satire is dead. I suppose the Internet is to blame. It is great that everybody is reading, but if you do not have the ability to comprehend, what is the point? November 8, 2016 is evidence of that.

I think back to my intro to literature class at Illinois Central College in 2007 when we were assigned to read “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift. My best friend and I were the only ones who spoke of thoroughly enjoying it. Everyone else in the room who had an opinion questioned how someone, an Irishman at that, would dare suggest the English eating the children of McImmigrants. That is Peoria for you, and sadly since it is the premier test market in the country, that is a reflection of the rest of the country, at least the cities and suburbs that lack major league sports franchises…and Indianapolis…Mike “Fucking” Pence.

I bring up the rest of the country because population density suggest that they do not truly have neighbors. They only have themselves to care for. So they lack any thought to being empathetic because everyone around them looks or acts just like them. If you cannot understand how other people feel, how are you going to comprehend a joke about how ridiculous one group of people were treating another? To them it is a tale of the evil British eating the white babies that we all identify as on March 17 instead of a statement about how people do not care for the marginalized.

It is these kind of people who are fine with a Tracy Smothers’s wrestling school, School of Smothers, using the Confederate battle flag as part of the logo. I have fought this battle before and was shat on for by the likes of Christian Rose for reminding Tracy he was a Full Blooded Italian. With the training center being in Lincoln, Illinois, a town named after the President who destroyed the identity of the Southern States, it is fair to mention him in a blog that is about excusing awful people or, at the very least, awful acts.

Without a college newspaper to write for, anything non-wrestling related that I have written, may have fallen on blind eyes. Hence, if you have not been keeping track of my blogs since November 2016, I have been trying to call for change to the misogynistic patriarchy, but with my long-winded nature, I was trying to be clever working through my observations while I was trying to come up with my satirical solutions. In the meantime, society listened to the right people and was allowed to catch up. Losing the race is the story of my life, thank the gods I just love to chase, fight and complete.

But, the United States of Whiskey City is my audience, and you cannot unfollow everyone who says hateful, uncaring or ignorant things, so you are going to find some stuff you must write about. Sadly, you have to state your opinion before you can give it a comedic spin.

The following is a Facebook post from John “Ian Rotten” Williams, best known for being the promoter of IWA Mid-South Wrestling, a promotion that never booked shows in Bill Watts’s Universal Wrestling Federation territory (Mid-South Wrestling). To say that he has not allowed for great things to occur in pro-wrestling would be a falsehood. The man had something in the early to mid 2000’s that allowed the best talent in the Midwest to make it to the damn near the top of the business. But if you watched how any of his shows were structured, saying that he was a man of great ideas would be an overstatement. To his credit, he will give anyone an opportunity, but that is also to his detriment as shown by the following statement.

So, I have a great idea. How about wrestling fans go back to being wrestling fans? Don’t worry about who is cheating on who’s wife, who’s got a criminal background, how about worrying about if the person entertains you and works hard? In my opinion, and my opinion alone, as good as social media is for the wrestling business it is double bad. It amazes me how nosy people are nowadays and how much they can’t stay out of other people’s business. People never assume that anyone is innocent, they’re always guilty. Buy a ticket, sit in a seat, enjoy the show. Lose yourself for a few hours. You will be better off.

What can I say accept the greatest two-pack in DVD history was “Bloodsport” and “Showdown in Little Tokyo?” No, I am not protecting a potential love interest or the principles of Bushido. It may actually be more along the lines of “see something, say something,” but if I do not try and get his followers or himself to think like a better person, what kind of person does that make me? You can say someone who is only doing this for ego, and I will counter with a need to be someone I can respect. The response(s) to the blog will determine the ego massage.

Wrestling fans going back to wrestling fans is a promoter asking them to be sheep. How many bad people have gotten to make a living because of their talent? How many good people are kept from getting opportunities because a promoter allows assholes to thrive?

A stance like this also displays a laziness if coming from a booker. Why book around an issue if you can find marks who will ignore the issue?

Social media may not make it fair for the accused, but with so many incidents that are based on the words of the victimized versus the words of one with power who can control the physical narrative, it has to be a place where people must take responsibility for their actions and let the chips fall where they may. 

You maybe forgiven, you may never work in this field again. All you can do is you build a catalog while you can. People will ask, “why is this guy gone,” when we can all look back with 20/20 vision and rewrite the narrative accordingly. 

If you are not placing yourself in positions where your integrity will be questioned in the first place, your social record should be clean any how would you not say?

There are things that are no ones business like infidelity and I’ll say substance issues. But we know there are things that cannot be ignored. Not asking questions about those topics (harassment and abuse towards others, hateful beliefs, willful ignorance) permits a worst environment for everyone.

It sucks being an underemployed website designer. Not because of the lack on additional income, just that I know when a webpage is too long (NBC, CNN, NYT take note). I have got more to say about this, and plenty of Facebook comments and replies to see. And I might have some insights on my own experiences in terms of the current movement. This maybe a series of blogs that I can tie back to my “Schrodinger’s Cat” series or my own personal Supercard of Dishonor. If the episodes get the attention of the local bookers, maybe it will be a guideline to how to run shows.

Now, I’m hopeful to get that booking to call it a 16-year career. A nihilist with hope, this blog has done something at least.

Philadelphia’s Underappreciated Championship: Disgruntled Real World Champ - Part 2

SHANE DOUGLAS MEANS MORE TO WRESTLING THAN THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!

I suppose I should be thankful for the downtime of a Monday (and strangely a Friday). With a youth soccer tourney coming in next weekend, it is best to make use of my moments of sanity (especially after the kids from the Bar Mitzvah were discouraging my limited Yidish go to expletive phrases). Writing a new blog with this time is better than reloading the stats page to see if I got any views for the previous volume.

Tomorrow maybe a good time to watch the AAW matches to construct the opening scene to the pilot I am trying to write. Then again, its my one day off from making somebody else serious cash. Considering my stance that I am pro-wrestling’s premier Cubs fan, it may be best that I head up to Wrigley. Of course, as long a CM Punk is holding out on Colt Cabana, I doubt anyone would allow him to take that claim from me.

A writer has got to write, and piss people off in the Internet age, so again, do it when you get the chance and imagine the wage is going towards that.

This “Real World Champ” series may not be worth much if I do not get any discussion about it. Thankfully, I got a few likes on Twitter and amused the newest mark at my retail job. Otherwise the lack of discussion is not getting to me. Until I hear people tell me that Shane Douglas was not more important than the Ultimate Warrior, I will let my fingers march on about this topic with the knowledge that I am right.

When I left off the last blog, I stated that Shane Douglas had elevated the ECW World Heavyweight Championship to the most important belt of gold in professional wrestling. Some of you may agree with the circumstances for the claim to the title, but not for the length of his reign. I believe he did not have a title defense between May 3, 1998 and his loss of the title to Taz on January 10, 1999. I believe the self-professed critic KB from KB’s Wrestling Reviewswould agree with this (but his review of ECW Wrestlepalooza ‘98shows he may not have an understanding of context).

If we cut the reign off on May 3, your championship options would be Steve Austin (whose reign would end in a swap with Kane, to be followed up with a vacating of the WWF Championship), Hollywood Hogan (who would lose WCW’s Big Gold Belt to Goldberg, whom most marks would disqualify because of his limitations) and the NWA’s Dan Severn (if it is not being seen, is it happening?). I do not see any of these reigns as qualifying for the Real World Championship.

A way to recognize the importance of the so called Attitude Era would be to give the REAL title to Austin, who will lose it to Hogan. The hiccup in Austin’s reign makes it so you cannot put the belt back on him, so you give it to Goldberg, but he would lose it to Kevin Nash who would lose it back to Hogan via the finger poke of doom. The Rock could not take the title from Goldberg since his WWF title win was a sham, so Mankind could not with the REAL title from Nash.

Five hall of famers, but no great reigns. But through all this talk, the importance of Austin’s game-changing title win can be recognized if we include the most extreme American version of the World Heavyweight Championship.

1st Debatable Real World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Steve Austin (1)- 5/3/1998 - 6/28/98

2nd World Champion - FTW’s Taz (1) - 6/28/98 - 12/19/98

This was Paul Heyman’s best way to keep your interest in the ECW Championship, by knowing that the baddest man would be his next contender, and have him not be afraid to prove it by claiming he was the champion. If your interim champ is not the top, but he is excelling, imagine what your real champ should be capable of.

The only problem with this debate is that Taz laid down for Sabu to assure he could challenge Douglas for the heavyweight championship. When will pro-wrestling adopt the Interim Championship concept?

Actually, that was 2003 when the NGW Light Heavyweight Championship was vacated. I felt justified in calling myself the NGW’s Interim Light Heavyweight Champion (complete with Jakks Pacific toy replica of the WWF’s Light Heavyweight Championship) since I was the ruler of Peoria’s division at the time of “Wrestle America’s” 2004 deadline for promotional submissions. Sadly, practicing a spot for the Unification match that afternoon with the man who won the eight-man tourney for the belt, IWA-Midsouth’s Ryan Phoenix, broke my wrist. So the angle did not work, but I tried.

If only WWE would have gone that route with Wrestlemania 31. Bryan v. Lesnar would not have delayed the never-to-be empire.

Until Vince McMahon watches a UFC event, we better stick to the path I have laid out thus far.

Philadelphia: The Center of the World.

25th Real World Heavyweight Champion - ECW’s Taz - 1/10/1999 - 9/19/99

More reason to dislike the WWE, the Network has made it difficult to find his “Living Dangerously '99” promo where he called out the WWF (Austin) and WCW (Flair) champions. This promo made me believe he was the real thing, and since ECW was not a land of giants, it was not until February 2000 that I realized he may suffer from leverage issues.

26th World Heavyweight Champion - ECW’s Mike Awesome - 9/19/99 - 12/17/99

He was the height and mass ECW needed.

27th World Heavyweight Champion - ECW’s Masato Tanaka - 12/17/99 - 12/23/99

No shame in swapping the titles over seas to the home countryman. Big Show’s title reign was a bit weird and the WCW title was either vacant/or being vacated twice during the reign.

28th World Heavyweight Champion - ECW’s Mike Awesome (2) - 12/23/00 - 4/13/2000

The Only Game in Town

Pun unintended: You know how many times that I had to say my gimmick, “The Student of the Game,” was not an homage to Hunter? The ECW championship was a booker’s nightmare. Tazz would briefly hold that belt and did the favor to Triple H in putting the WWF title above ECW’s. In WCW, the disastrous promotion for “Ready to Rumble” was occurring.

29th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Triple H (1) - 4/13/00 - 4/30/00

30th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s The Rock (1) - 4/30/00 - 5/21/00

31st World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Triple H (2) - 5/21/00 - 6/25/00

32nd World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s The Rock (2) - 6/25/00 - 10/22/00

33rd World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Kurt Angle (1) - 10/22/00 - 2/25/2001

34th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s The Rock (3) - 2/25/01 - 4/1/01

35th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Steve Austin (1) - 4/1/01 - 9/23/01

During this reign, the WCW World Heavyweight Championship was introduce to the WWF, but was never placed higher on the card than the WWF.

36th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Kurt Angle (2) - 9/23/01 - 10/8/01

37th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Steve Austin (2) - 10/8/01 - 12/9/01

38th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Undisputed Champ Chris Jericho - 12/9/01 - 3/17/2002

39th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF’s Undisputed Champ Triple H (3) - 3/17/02 - 4/21/02

40th World Heavyweight Champion - WWF/WWE’s Undisputed Champ Hulk Hogan (5) - 4/21/02 - 5/19/02

Originally, I wanted to drop in Mixed Martial Arts legends who held the NWA championship. Hogan’s reign was meant to give the Undisputed title some sense of historic importance. Ken Shamrock was Jim Cornette’s answer to, “What if Bret won’t drop it?” Dan Severns is the Original Beast. But, Shamrock won a vacant belt and Severns was the one who vacated it. Hence, no legitimate monster champs at this time.

41st World Heavyweight Champion - WWE’s Undisputed Champ The Undertaker - 5/28/02 - 7/21/02

42nd World Heavyweight Champion - WWE’s Undisputed Champ The Rock (4) - 7/21/02 - 8/25/02

43rd World Heavyweight Champion - WWE’s Undisputed/WWE Champ Brock Lesnar (1) - 8/25/02 - 11/17/02

44th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE Champ The Big Show - 11/17/02 - 12/15/02

If The Big Show had a consistent character, or if they developed him like Andre instead of just being the semifinal boss of a video game (Goro before Shang Tsung/Sagat before M. Bison), I would not resist recognizing his title reigns. The World Heavyweight Championship was yet to be truly developed, just a way for Hunter to put himself over…and over…and over (should I repeat it two more times, SUCKER?)

45th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE Champ Kurt Angle (3) - 12/15/02 - 3/30/2003

46th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE Champ Brock Lesnar (2) - 3/30/03 - 7/27/03

47th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE Champ Kurt Angle (4) -7/27/03 - 9/16/03

48th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE Champ Brock Lesnar (3) - 9/16/03 - 2/15/04

No better way to end this blog than with the best trilogy since Flair/Steamboat. Hopefully, every 24 entries will be like that. Did WWE know how to book back in the oughts, or am I going to be glad I was too focused on my career to notice at the time?

"We Want Some Bayley: The Song"

Written by Russ “Scoop” Stevens

(to make Jon Quasto of the NXT comfortable with the Full Sail crowd’s 2 Live Crew inspired chant).

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Let me hear you say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Everybody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

You see, Sasha and Becky tried to deny her fame.
She fought them back, beat them at their game.
So Eva Marie gets to cut in line,
And gets Nia Jax watching her behind.

But every time she passes Izzy, this diva is poop out of luck,
‘Cause one Bayley-to-Belly and she will be stuck.
The girls will say “stop;” The fans will not.
Universe, get up,cause Bayley is bustin’ out.

Crowd says, Vince, don’t hide her, don’t deny her.
And please don’t knock her until they fight her.
So to all of you witches and all you belles,
Try and test her and she’ll give you hell

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Let me hear you say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Everybody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

She’s the Saillor Senshi* of the two thousand teens.
Got some tall tube men for all of the parties.
She don’t care if you use vicious knees.
She’ll beat and hug till you beg for release.

If you wanna throw, just let her know.
You can get your chance at the end of the show.

You’ll look at her, and think a kid you see.
You’ll be the fool when she gives her long hair a squeeze.
Best know what to do, 'cause she will not flee.
Just kick your butt to reality T.V.

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Let me hear you say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

Somebody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.
Everybody say, “Hey, we want some Bayley.”
Hey, we want some Bayley.

*Sailor Scout in Japanese

The Disgruntled’s Real World Heavyweight Champion

Do we really want to call Seth Rollins THE champion?

Even if we can all be satisfied with Kofi Kingston at the top of the game, there have definitely been times where the WWE offers us no one worthy to hold the top belts in their company (Randy Orton and Brock Lesnar after Wrestlemania 33). During the Monday Night Wars we could have the argument of who was the best in the business based on waist wear. The fun of going to the magazine aisle of a pharmacy was to see how Bill Apter ranked grapplers based on hardware.

Working night audit on week nights at a hotel that was overstaffed and to scrutinizing about bettering oneself (the owner at the I Hotel “allegedly” fired a kid for doing Big Ten schoolwork on the clock), jotting down notes in regards to the concept of which championship was the championship helped keep me sane for a few weeks. In other words, I tried to also determine which title was the one to claim in the tag team and women’s divisions.

This brings me to my biggest issue with working for a biker for Trump (no allegedly on that) or some asset a conglomerate is trying to sell while leaving everyone with unrelenting repetitive tasks with no encouragement or benefits. You can be creative with those moments that allow you to breathe, but how are you going to find the strength to regurgitate those moments on to the keyboard?

On top of all those questions, I have to determine how to address the title history I developed in the most reader friendly way. Do I start back at Starrcade 1983 or work backward from me cancelling the incredibly sexist Network (it was not NJPW World)? The easy thing to do would be to start at Royal Rumble 1992 when the recently fired NWA champion won the WWF title, but that throws away all my effort to tell the story of the real world champion.

If I am going to do that, I might as well find somebody to podcast about it with. Hey Jake Lloyd (@liquidjake), you may need another podcast on Dragon Wagon Radio if listeners get sick of the WWE-centric podcast you have right now. You can find me @maineventzombie on Twitter and Instagram.

Ground rules probably need to be laid out, and they will not make much sense if I do not start at the beginning. This is the time when the 10 Pounds of Gold was the only gold that mattered.

There Was Only the 10 Pounds of Gold:

Verne Gagne is the first booker to try and put himself on TOP. This was pretty blatant, so the American Wrestling Association’s heavyweight championship cannot be called the world’s belt. The National Wrestling Alliance still maintained authority over everything outside the Midwest, so his claim could obviously be disputed.

Vince McMahon Sr. may have disagreed with Lou Thesz’s single-fall title victory over Buddy Rogers, hence Rogers becoming the World Wide Wrestling Federation Champion seemed reasonable. Except, Rogers was only given the belt to drop it to Bruno Sammartino, someone who only represented the world because of the attitude that New York City was the WORLD. After Trump’s win, I do not like to give the flyover states much credit, but the NWA represented the greater masses and it is common knowledge that Bruno could not do a 60-minute broadway. This means the WWWF title would never be the world title.

Once Hulkamania was born, the national and international credibility to the World Wrestling Federation was undeniable, but Hulk Hogan defeated the Iron Sheik. Ric Flair was the NWA champ at the time of Hogan’s victory, so the WWF title still was not the title. Once Flair started swapping the title with Harley Race and the Kerry Von Erich, the unbeatable Hulk could claim the title.

1st Real World Heavyweight Champion - NWA’s Ric Flair (3) - 11/24/1983 - 3/20/84

2nd World Champion - WWF’s Hulk Hogan - 3/20/84 - 2/5/88

3rd World Champion - WWF’s Andre the Giant - 2/5/88

4th World Champion - NWA’s Ric Flair (4) - 2/5/88 - 2/20/89

Andre the Giant treated the WWF championship like it a bed in a Japanese hotel room. We cannot have a vacancy in this championship lineage. The NWA never had a vacated world championship to this point, so it is only fitting to return it to them. Sorry Randy Savage.

5th World Champion - NWA’s Ricky Steamboat - 2/20/89 - 5/7/89

6th World Champion - NWA’s Ric Flair (5) - 5/7/89 - 7/7/90

7th World Champion - NWA’s Sting - 7/7/90 - 1/11/91

I know this has totally ignored the Ultimate Warrior’s sole reign on top. But, he lost it to a propaganda angle in Sgt. Slaughter. Sting lost it back to Flair after a lengthy reign. To paraphrase The Nature Boy, “To be the man, you got to beat the man…not the gimmick.”

8th World Champion - NWA’s Ric Flair (6) - 1/11/91 - 3/21/91

9th World Champion - NWA’s Tatsumi Fujinami - 3/21/91 - 5/19/91

10th World Champ - NWA’s and WWF’s Ric Flair (7) - 5/19/91 - 4/5/1992

This title reign was when Flair left NWA as champion, claimed he was the REAL World Champion, and he didn’t want to say he “told us so,” but he “told us so.”

The Seeds of War:

With Flair’s departure from the World Championship Wrestling, they wasted no time in determining their own champion. If the NWA would have surrendered the concept of integrity, they may have kept the territories alive a little longer. They soon set the precedent for how to bury a concept in wrestling.

11th World Champ - WWF’s Randy Savage - 4/5/1992 - 9/1/92

12th World Champ - WWF’s Ric Flair (8) - 9/1/92 - 10/12/92

13th World Champ - WWF’s Bret Hart - 10/12/92 - 4/4/93

14th World Champ - WCW’s Big Van Vader - 4/4/93 - 12/27/93

Yokozuna was wasted on Vince McMahon wanting to tell a tale of patriotism. He could move very well for a big man, but not nearly as well as Vader. To make matters worse for WWF, they were thinking Lex Luger was the way to go. Ric Flair told WCW that was a mistake, and he may have a better idea on who is best suited for the title.

15th World Champ - WCW’s Ric Flair (9) - 12/27/93 - 7/17/94

16th World Champ - WWF’s Bret Hart (2) - 7/17/94 - 11/23/94

Bret Hart was constantly being denied the championship by Hogan, and that was well known. If anyone is going to take a title from Flair, it will be Hart before Hogan. Also, the Owen/Bret feud needs greater documentation than the Hulkster on Baywatch.

17th World Champ - WCW’s Hulk Hogan (2) - 11/23/94 - 10/29/95

But, Hogan’s reign bringing eyes on WCW is more important than Bob Backlund’s last run as Champion and his loss of the belt in 17 seconds at Madison Square Garden. Did Vince McMahon think Diesel was the second coming of Bruno?

18th World Champ - WWF’s Diesel - 10/25/95 - 11/19/95

Diesel’s WWF reign was the longest since Hogan’s first, so it deserves more recognition than Paul Wight’s in ring debut. This is also when Eric Bischoff determined the title did not matter, which Vince Russo would seem to further embrace under Bischoff’s watch.

19th World Champ - WWF’s Bret Hart (3) - 11/19/95 - 3/31/96

20th World Champ - WWF’s Shawn Michaels - 3/31/96 - 11/17/96

21st World Champ - WCW/nWo’s Hollywood Hogan (3) - 11/17/96 - 8/4/97

Sid in WWF was usually a disaster, so putting him over the greatest faction in American wrestling is not going to happen. If you want to argue nWo versus DX, when did DX share the title of a video game with WWF/WWE?

22nd World Champ - WWF’s Bret Hart (4) - 8/4/97 - 11/9/97

Lex Luger is just not cut out to be a world champ.

23rd World Champ - WCW/nWo’s Hollywood Hogan (4) - 11/9/97 - 12/28/97

The screw job obviously disqualifies Shawn Michaels from a second reign.

24th World Champ - ECW’s Shane Douglas - 12/28/97 to 1/10/99

Michaels (unless it was a work) was an illegitimate champion. Sting would have to vacate the title because Bischoff tried to pay homage to Hart’s title loss. Shane Douglas had to beat two legends (Sabu and Terry Funk [a former Real World Champ]) in one night to earn the title. It seems fitting that a man who the NWA thought would turn their business around was prepared to be a real world champion.